Tag Archive: Willpower


But Lot was so afraid he couldn’t move. So the angels grabbed him by the hand, and they grabbed the hands of his wife and of his two daughters, and they led them out of the city. As soon as they were safely out of the city, one of the angels said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”  And then God rained fire onto the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Thick, black smoke filled the air like smoke from a fiery furnace. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land.

But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

(Paraphrased Old Testament story – Taken from Genesis 19:25 ff )

Sometimes in life, you have to grit your teeth, set your face like flint and let the hot tears run cold down your cheeks.

running woman

You have to put blinkers on and RUN, ignoring every twinge of agony and crashing through every brittle hurdle of despair.

Scream if you have to, but whatever you do… DON’T LOOK BACK.

Don’t look at what you were, where you’ve come from or how you felt.

Just keep running like nobody has ever run before.

There’s a point in recovery, be it recovery from an addiction or recovery from an Eating Disorder, when to look back is fatal. Just like Lot’s wife, to look at what you’ve left behind will destroy you.
In the case of Anorexia, to stop pushing through the pain barriers, to allow yourself a tiny backward glance, is to begin to slow down. Casting that quick over-the-shoulder peek, may not feel like it, but it’s going to make your feet like lead, your path like treacle. And all of a sudden, it’s got you. Again.

You were going through hell and you should have kept on going.

Why go through halfway through hell and turn back?
That’s what looking behind you will do.

Advertisements

In my last post, I borrowed the words from an old hymn to use in a metaphor for ‘the will to recover’.

I wanted to highlight(no pun intended) the importance of keeping that will alive, making it flare up and then harnessing it to use as a source of power and light as we progress on the dark journey towards recovery.

Not easy when the illness or addiction is playing King in your mind and all will and all incentive is laid prostrate before it, bent and unable to muster so much as a whisper of it’s own volition.

GasGaugeEmpty

Anyway, as I thought about my last post, I was nagged by the thought that it’s all well and good writing about keeping our oil topped up; keeping our willpower alive; maintaining the hope for recovery and keeping that spark that drives us clear and strong…

but

what IS the oil…  and WHERE do we GET it from?

I started to question how I fuel the drive towards recovery, and wondered what I needed to use more of.

And I came up with these:

  • Prayer

  • Mindfulness exercises I was taught in hospitallight-tunnel-01-220x130

  • my family

  • friends who are ahead of me on the journey back to a future that looks something near normal

  • allowing myself to risk dreaming of what ‘could’ be…

  • Music – Particularly songs with lyrics which inspire me

It might (or might not) be useful to think of things to turn to as sources of power when you feel like your will to make it is running dry…

I wondered, if it’s not too personal,  if anyone had any that they would share?

You never know, your oil could help to fuel someone else.

Oil in my Lamp

“To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it ” 

said Mother Theresa.  And assuming that the lamp to which she refers isn’t a £6.99, stretch neck, mains powered Argos job, which relies on an E14 Edison Golf Ball Light Bulb (in Cool White), then it (frequently) occurs to me, that she’s right.

Joking aside, although an obvious metaphor, it’s one of those things which is much easier to know and dismiss, than to know and apply. Especially where recovery is concerned.

Image

To keep the will to recover alive and at the fore, is one of the things I find toughest. Today, for instance, although I am determined that my weight will not go down, I’m not really intent on making it go up. It’s what I call, ‘living the half life’.

To be in recovery, we can’t afford to just sit around waiting for ‘it’ to happen. We can’t afford to submit to lethargy, apathy, ambivalence. We have to keep fighting, keep the oil topped up. No room for our will to ‘glow’. Nope. It has to shine bright.  

It’s only when the will to recover burns fiercely, that we can really fight hard. 

As my will feels as though it’s barely glowing,  I will remember Mother Theresa’s words together with the words of a hymn from my childhood, which pray, “Give Me Oil in my Lamp, Keep me Burning’ and repeat them as mindfully as I can. 

Are you in?