Okay.

So I believe in the things I say. I believe in recovery. I believe in the possibility of turning things around. I believe that love triumphs over all. I believe that hope is the key to recovering and conquering our enemy. I believe in miracles, occasionally. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that mindfulness is important and can help relieve the agony we can go through as sufferers of addiction and mental illness.

ImageHowever, that doesn’t mean that I’m in the best place to be dishing out advice.

Anorexia Nervosa has ruled my life for the past seven years and continues to do so.

I have relapsed. I am waiting to go back into treatment. This is imminent and will involve the indescribable mental torture of refeeding in a day unit setting.

I feel that I need to be honest in order to keep writing this blog.

I want to offer hope to others through my own determination to recover. I know that there will be times when I waver, stumble and fall. I know I will cry out in pain. I have been here before.

This time I want it to be the last.

I consider myself blessed to have the chance to recover as I recall those who have not survived the harsh and abusive regime of denial that leads to this extreme of malnutrition. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all mental illness and those of us who battle this illness, and so often give in to its cruel demands, forget just how easily our bodies could fail to keep running on empty.

If you’re thinking about recovery, I encourage you to take the scariest step and go for it,

Your body is not an inexhaustible resource.

This illness will make you dice with death in ways your rational self will not react to until it is allowed to surface.

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